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‘Your expert opinion on choosing the Right Present for the Right Person.’ ‘An infallible guide to gift giving. ‘No problem,’ I reply, ‘And then I’ll sort out world peace, the meaning of life and the secret of eternal youth, all before teatime.’

The trouble is, I am an expert at buying the Wrong Present for the Wrong Person. (Worst disaster: giving a copy of ‘How to Eat’ to an Australian friend of my husband – how was I to know she had recently put on three stone, had never heard of Nigella Lawson, and thought I was giving her a diet book?).

Occasionally, I even manage to buy the Right Present for the Wrong Person. Like a tasteful Liberty print shopping bag for my new sister-in-law. My mother would have loved it. ‘Are you saying I’m a bag lady?’ said the future sis as she opened the package, wondering why I thought she’d turned into a librarian.

But sometimes I do get it right, and there is nothing to compare with that feeling of beneficent smugness: you love it, they love it – ergo, they love you. Hurray. So, for what they’re worth, here are my five top tips for buying the Right Present for the Right Person:

1) Never do the Spice Girl thing by asking, ‘Tell me what you want, what you really really want.’ Asking for present ideas a) is a cop-out, b) puts them in an impossible position – they will inevitably end up spluttering something about socks or hankies (yes, even the girls) because c) what they really really want, might seem a bit greedy. My husband wants Hereford United football club; my harassed sister-in-law wants an uninterrupted night’s sleep. And – thank you for asking – I would quite like George Clooney in his ER scrubs, but an expensive scented candle would do. Tricky, isn’t it?

2) Concentrate. Think inside the box: what do they like? What do they have? What might they need? The best present-buyer I know is my sister’s friend Jooney, who specialises in small, thoughtful Christmas present ideas like favourite childhood sweets – you can’t beat a year’s supply of Sherbet Dibdabs. My amazingly organised friend Bex keeps a present ideas page in her diary, and makes a note when she sees a brilliant present idea because, ‘You might think you’ll remember, but you won’t’.

3) Avoid present ideas which could possibly come under the ‘Novelty’ heading. Even if you think something is hilarious, it probably isn’t. (Just typing this makes me cringe about what we gave my father-in-law last Christmas. Just because he spends hours on his ride-on mower doesn’t mean he wants a bobble hat emblazoned with the words ‘The Lawn Ranger’).

4) Think about whether your present ideas fall under the category of Stuff. We all have too much Stuff. Stuff is bad; means of organising stuff – beautiful albums, journals, storage boxes – are always good.

5) Start a present cupboard. I know, I know – this is totally unspontaneous and too grown-up for words, but having a small, gorgeous stash of emergency presents guarantees that even if you don’t have the Right Present, you’ll have something: instant smugness.

Aaaahhh. See, you’re feeling a bit smug already. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Now, where did I put George’s phone number?

The first sentence was; Not in my backyard! And that is how the presentation to the City Council began. We came with information and data and a perfect plan, but the Sierra Club Lady and resident hippie stood up just before we started talking and said; not in my backyard! Well, you can imagine how I thought that night might end.

Luckily for us we were told in advance the objections of this particular resident hippie and her friends she brought with her to the City Council Halls. Her objections were quite simple in that a truck wash would bring more trucks off the freeway and trucks put out a CO2 and therefore there would be more pollution in the town if we put in a truck wash. But the town did not start for good four miles away and since we were on the far side of town by the interstate the wind would blow the pollution away from the City and not into it.

It is always amazing the logic that people come up with when they try to fight the business owner who is trying to make a return on his investment. After all it is not her property and yet she was so concerned about a truck wash being there why not buy the property and plant flowers and start a hippie movement and a pot smoking shrine?

Well guess what the presentation went off flawlessly and we answered the ladies objections and today her son is a manager of one of our truck washes; go figure? Consider all this in 2006.

It never hurts to quote famous people or well-known literary works when making a speech. If you read widely as I recommend you do, you will have a never-ending supply of material that you can use to spice up your presentation.

It is easy to grab a few quotes from a book of quotations, but the problem with that approach is that you will not be reading the words in context. I use quote books in my speech preparation, but it is rare for me to use the words of a writer or speaker whom I have not become familiar with by reading several of their works. If you know the writer or speaker from your personal reading, you are less likely to embarrass yourself by quoting someone out of context.

As you read the works of others, you will find that they too employ well-chosen quotes. Read through a book of presidential speeches for instance and you will find frequent references to the Bible, the founding fathers, Aesop’s fables and so on.

Indeed, one may even prepare a presentation assembled entirely around the words of a well-known person. For instance a brief speech concerning religion might be built upon three quotes gleaned from the wisdom of G. K. Chesterton as follows:

(Introduction) Many decry the place of religion in today’s world. They say that religion is elitist, fanciful and parochial. Nothing could be further from the truth. True religion imparts equality, reality and universality.

(1) G. K. Chesterton once said that with true “religion all men are equal as all pennies are equal, because the only value in any of them is that they bear the image of the king.” Indeed, there is no overcoming the valuation of the sovereign; nor should there be any attempt to do so.

Mankind was created in the image of God – male and female created He them. Real religion demands the recognition of the equality of man. Real religion is blind to race, culture, ethnicity or gender. It has been said that the ground is level at the foot of the cross – that no one can claim special privilege before Christ the king. True religion is not characterized by elitism but by equality.

(2) Yet this is not to say that true religion demeans Humankind. Rather true religion ” . . . is the thing that makes the ordinary man feel extraordinary” as Chesterton said. What greater boost to the esteem of a man or a woman than to realize that they are royalty. Consider how the heart of the downcast might be uplifted as they reflect upon their status. They are not merely a meaningless collection of molecules but an image bearer of the omnipotent Creator. I saw a slogan on a child’s sweatshirt one time that put it ungrammatically but accurately; “God don’t make no junk.”

At the same time those who have achieved greatness in this life will have their pride tempered by the realization that they are no better – or worse – than the “average man.” “John Doe” is no less a man than they and those who have achieved much in this world will understand Chesterton when he says that “religion is the thing that makes the extraordinary man feel ordinary.” Truly, Christianity allows a man to see who he really is. It energizes his self esteem – it moderates his enthusiasm.

(3) Finally, true religion brings unity where unity might not otherwise exist – universality in an otherwise fractured world. Humankind is naturally partisan – naturally tribal. Nonetheless, Chesterton reminds us that, “(a)bove all else it must be remembered that when the interests of an age are religious they must be universal. Nothing can be more universal than the universe.” To embrace true religion requires a recognition of the unity of all things in God – not as God but under God. We pledge allegiance to the flag as representing “one nation under God.”

Not a destruction of the individual but a brotherhood that encompasses the entire created realm. Far from being divisive, true religion accepts the brotherhood of man – and indeed – the brotherhood of all of creation. The tree, the fish, the wolf – all are part of the universal. True religion accepts that no part of creation may ruin another – not because we worship the creation but because we worship the Creator.

(Conclusion) Equality, reality and universality are the characteristics of true religion. To deny this is to refuse the obvious. The wars, the conflicts, the strife that has often characterized religious ebullience cannot be our criterion for judgment. Instead we proclaim that true religion reveals the equality of Man, opens his eyes to reality and creates an atmosphere of universality.

The point is that you could pick three (or more) quotes from your favorite famous person and allow their words to direct your research and writing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this – as long as you don’t simply repeat what other people have said and claim it as your own original work. The truth is it can be fun to have a man of renown such as Chesterton (Dickens, Washington, the Apostle Paul and so on), guide you in your speech preparation.

There must be many times when you wish you had been able to put your point of view across more successfully. As a professional salesperson it was essential for me to be able to make a persuasive presentation that would overcome the objections that are inevitable whenever you want to persuade someone to a new point of view. This is a valuable skill that can be learned especially when you know the method that top salesmen use, whether consciously or not.

First a good salesperson will be well prepared, he/she will not be dependent upon the ‘Gift of the Gab’ to make the sale. So how can you prepare to make an important presentation or argument that you need to succeed?

1) Write down all the negative facts of the situation that you want to change emphasizing how badly they impact on the parties concerned. This is called ‘creating dissonance’ or disturbing the prospect, It is necessary because often the person is not aware of the problem. The more dissonance you can create the more the other person will see the need to change the situation.

2) Write down all the points (objections) that you can think of, that you know or suspect the other person will throw at you, in support of their own point of view.

3) Find all the answers you can to those objections, write them down and rehearse them until you are word perfect.

4) Write down all the benefits that will come from your solution, again rehearse saying these benefits using all the emotive words you can think of.

5) Write down all the points you can find that will prove your answers to their objections are valid.

6) Have a plan of action that will be as easy as possible to start the process of change, ie:- the first small step.

So that is your preparation, exactly as a professional does it!

Next comes the presentation!

Start by building up dissonance in the other persons mind by stating emotively all the problems with the current situation. Then introduce all the objections yourself, before the other person has time to think of them. Provide the best answer to each objection giving as much proof as you have for each. As you provide the proof make sure the other person has accepted it before you move on, so that that objection will not arise again.

Now is the time to move into presenting your solution and all the benefits that will arise from making the change/s you are proposing. Finally suggest the first action to be taken towards the change, make it as small and as easy as possible for the other person to accept. Once that first action is agreed and taken, the others will follow more easily.

There You Have It:- The Secret to Successful Argument!

Sitting next to my husband as the film, The Manchurian Candidate came to a close, I felt my jaw drop. Beside me, my husband shook his head in disbelief, “Is that all?” The movie had ended abruptly. The hero (Denzel Washington) stood gazing blankly over the ocean, his feelings and his future unresolved. There we were, still on the edge of our seats, and the movie was over. It had stopped on a dime.

For the next few minutes, I sat stunned– dissatisfied and frustrated. A thoroughly suspenseful movie had left me hanging at the end. Testing out a theory, I asked my husband about his feelings, “Do you feel angry?” “Yes,” he answered, “I do.” I realized that I felt angry too.

What holds true in a movie holds true in a presentation. An audience expects an ending. In fact, an audience expects a cohesive package that moves smoothly from beginning to middle to end. A good presentation does not end on a dime.

As you prepare the close of a presentation, keep the following points in mind:

Audiences like Circles

A good speech has a story line or a line of logic that runs through it, connecting the chunks of material together. At the end, audience members want closure; they want things tied up in a neat package. One way to provide closure is to set up a circle in the speech. When the ending refers back to the beginning, listeners experience a sense of closure and satisfaction.

Provide a circle in your conclusion by referring to your opening story, statistic, or quote. You can also provide a circle by beginning with a rhetorical question and ending with one answer or a choice of answers.

Speakers Have Unspoken Contracts

I was able to predict my husband would be angry at the ending of The Manchurian Candidate because I had recently listened to an audiotape series, by Doug Stevenson. Stevenson reminded me that audience members expect stories to come to a satisfactory conclusion, that they literally get angry when a speaker leaves a story unresolved.

Stories are one of our best tools for communicating because listeners pay rapt attention to them. Tales tap into the non-logical parts of our brains and engage us emotionally. Once a listener is engrossed in a story, the storyteller has a sort of unspoken contract with that listener. The storyteller has an obligation to complete the story. If elements in the story remain unresolved, the listener feels cheated and betrayed.

By all means, use stories and other techniques in your presentations. Just make sure any story lines or lines of logic are resolved by the end of the talk.

The Ending is the Final Impression

In a speech, a positive first impression may capture attention, but the final impression is the one that lingers. The last thing you say is the thought that goes home with the listener. Here are some techniques for a strong closing:

Use a powerful quote to stir the spirit.

Tell a good story, clearly related to the talk, to claim a spot in the memory.

Issue a culminating challenge to change a life.

End with a compelling question to provoke thought or action.

A weak closing is guaranteed to leave a lingering weak impression. Unfortunately, the weak impression will not be directed solely at the talk. The weak impression will be directed at the speaker. The content of the talk will dissipate, but the negative impression of speaker will stick.

The Audience Needs Action

Audience members usually come to a presentation in a passive mode. The most powerful speeches are ones that convert audience members to action. For example, our nation will never forget John Kennedy’s “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

Carefully plan an action statement, even for an informative business speech. Audience members may come passively, but they don’t want to leave having wasted their time. Let them know what they should do as a result of your speech.

In a presentation, you are selling ideas, recommendations, policies, or products and services. No matter what you are selling, make sure you close the sale with a request for action.

The Manchurian Candidate is a good movie, but the ending left me frustrated and angry. That negative impression colors my memory of the whole film. When you make your next presentation, remember the Manchurian Candidate. Remember that good presentations, like good movies, don’t stop on a dime.